“For I know the plans I have for
you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future.”
~Jeremiah 29:11~
I’m 30 today… I’m blessed to have
made it thus far and just to be alive, but to be on the mission field… in
Malawi… on the Sabbath! I remember an episode from “Mad About You”, where Jamie
(played by Helen Hunt) starred into the mirror to “watch” herself turn 30 as
soon as it hit midnight. I found myself
doing something similar; looking at pictures from last year and comparing them
with the mugshots I took just a few hours ago on my Kindle… perhaps I’ll see
some notable change in the way I look J
(I’m hoping I take in my mom’s good genes of youthfulness).
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| March 2, 2012 |
Someone asked me today, “How does
it feel, now that you’re 30?” as if there is supposed to be some sort of
magical realization or superimposed wisdom of enlightenment (Nirvana). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that was a
dumb question! I ask my little sisters
the same question at every birthday and I asked myself the same question. Do I
feel any different now that I’ve exited my 20’s and entered my 30’s? Not
really! I still feel like the same old Jewel…. Honestly, it’s hard for me see
myself as a “30 year-old”. I mean, I
understand that I’m now 30 chronologically, but I still feel like I did 24
hours ago when I was 29. I think the only thing that “feels different” now that
I’m “the BIG 3-0”, is that I’ve become more aware/reminded that I’m not getting
any younger (especially in relation to health… and it doesn't help that I’m a
nurse either!). I’m also reminded that I’m “missing out” on the definitive markers
that come with adulthood (as defined by society & culture). Last night, when speaking over Skype with my
17 year-old sister, Missie (whose b-day was this past Sunday, Feb. 24), my
father called in and jokingly asked, “How does it feel to be a 30 year-old
virgin?” So, yes, I’m aware that I still
haven’t met Mr. Right (not to say that I've had a dry spell in my social life);
I don’t have any children (save the ones at the kids program, where I
volunteered in Cali, or my little sisters J
); I don’t own a home or any large sums of money stashed away somewhere; I don’t’
own a car (the one I drove was under my father’s name)… I own nothing! I’m a single
female nomad; naked I came, naked I shall return!
However, if someone were to ask
me how I felt between the time I was 20 and now, I’d say a lot has
changed. I’m a lot more focused and
grounded. I know what I want and my
purpose… most of the time! J I've changed, not just physically (I mean things don’t work or fall the way
they use to J
), but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.
When I tell people my new age, especially in Malawi (and within the Adventist
circle) where most women are married by 22 and are working on their 2nd
or 3rd child by the time they’re my age, the first question’s, 9/10
is, “Are you married?” My answer, “No”. “Do you have a boyfriend?” My answer, “No”. Hence, the quest of “finding” me a husband
(and, if they’re Malawian, that usually means themselves or a relative), as if
my life isn't complete without a man or I’m more of a woman or have more
value. I don’t know… I can’t blame them;
again, I’m guilty of doing the same thing…. And we will continue to do so at every stage of life. You’re single, “Are you seeing anyone?” You’re
dating, “When will you two get married?” You JUST got married, “You pregnant
yet?” You’re still in your 4 to 6 weeks of recovery, “Thinking about having
anymore?” And then begin the questions of grandchildren... and so on and so
forth…. We are social beings and we take great joy in the milestones of
others.
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| 29 3/4 :) |
Yet, I think the most hurtful
thing someone could say and has said/hinted to me was that I am at this point
in my life (“single” and “childless”) because I’m selfish and that I’m “career
chasing”. That I chose my career over family (or I get the, “You’re too picky!”…
I’m sorry if I don’t want to be with someone who has 3 children with 3
different women… I’m sure he loves Jesus and has “changed”… I’ll just let someone else take that blessing… he’s
not someone I prayed for). I’m not going to go in depth, but I will say
that there is nothing wrong with goals (Proverbs 29:18). As for me, my focus isn't on my career; my
focus/aim is to please my Savior and follow Him wherever He leads me
(Revelation 14:4) and in His time, when He sees that I’m ready, He’ll bless in
that department. I just need to be
patient and wait (though, I have to admit, it can be challenging sometimes!).
I look over the past 10 years of
my life and seen how God has blessed me to see and experience so much. God is faithful and ALWAYS been there for me.
I could see how His loving hand provided and took care of me when I faced tough
challenges. Through following His leading, I've visited 10 different countries
(some of which I've been to twice); I've been blessed to work on the mission
field in the US where I've visited innumerable states/cities, sharing hope with
the despondent and making friend for eternity; I taught for two years; I earned two degrees…
to further my skills to work on the mission field. However, the most amazing thing I've seen God
do in this past decade is to see how He used my mustard seed faith to inspire
my family to have a closer walk with Him.
For this I am grateful. I am
humbled and honored that He would consider me faithful to place me in the
ministry!
30… what is that to
eternity? He’s only just begun!
Tu hijita,
Joya
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| March 2, 2013 |
